Ongoing Birdal Research

I could probably write another long boring post about how I hate my job right now and would really like to quit, but there's the whole having to pay bills thing, and the not- sure- what- to- do- instead thing. It's all quite boring, really, and I get tired of hearing myself whine*. I'm sure everybody else does too.

So, instead I will be presenting the results of a long and intensive study on the eating habits of the birds who inhabit the area around the pond in front of the SA National Gallery**. I've been eating my lunch there for quite a while and have been feeding them various experimental substances***, and carefully noting the results. It's very scientifical.

For the purposes of this research, the term bird can be defined as noisy, usually smelly creature that poops constantly and may fly when it feels like it. We can further subdivide them into four groups: seagulls, ducks, dovepigeons**** and assorted visiting birds or AVB's. AVB's do not figure prominently in my research because they are for the most part wild birds who are much less brazen in their attempts to shriek feeders into submission.

Herewith my findings:

1) aggressiveness: Seagulls are the most blatantly aggressive of the land feeders, however ducks tend to become more aggressive once food is thrown into the pond. Both have been know to attack AVB's that might wander over to have a butcher's at what's going on. Dovepigeons are small and meek and quiet, and consequently get the lion's share of food that has fallen out of other birds' mouths while they were shrieking
2) post-feeding activities: while seagulls refuse to admit that there is no more bloody food left and continue to scream in a manner that is likely related to their childhood in the nest (seagulls are well-known to have mommy issues), dovepigeons tends to keep searching the ground for dropped scraps, and then go have a nice comfy poo somewhere. Ducks engage in a post-meal bath, with additional "plobbling" on warm days (plobbling being defined as the act of spanking your wings on the surface of the water in order to get your underarms clean).
3) preferred edible substances: birds, for the most part (and much like your intrepid researcher), seem to prefer carbohydrates; slap chips with vinegar, Simba salt-and-vinegar crisps, Fritos, sandwich crusts and Chocolate muffins being among the desired items. The occasional slice of ham or cheese will eventually be eaten. Fruit, especially Naartjies*****, as well as Oreo cookies (no frosting) are less popular, although they seem to be just fine with the dovepigeon population. Raisins, carrots, tomatoes, lettuce, and facial tissues dipped in diet cola are treated with disdain.
4) appetite: especially with regards to seagulls; unending. Postulate that one could feed said birds until the become very fat and/ or explode.

Notes:Am still waiting to see a bird vomit. Wonder how that would present itself. Could be an entirely new avenue of research.

Conclusions: obviously, birds are dirty greedy bastards. Findings are obviously of great value to the world. Await riches and fame.

*although, I would like to point out that being condescended to all day when people are stressed and get pissy with me because I'm the only person in the whole world who could possibly figure out VLC media player gets tiresome.
** no, wait, come back!
*** whatever I was eating for lunch that day.
**** doves and pigeons are essentially the same bird to me, although this infuriates my mom, who reacts like I'd confused, say, Chinese and Japanese people¹.
¹who are very very different, in so many ways. Now Japanese and Korean people... much more similar. Although Korean pop music is much worse than J-pop.
***** tangerines, you foreign folk, you!