Portnoy's Complaint, Humpty Dumpty and Anchovy Toast*
I've missed my calling. I'm convinced of this. I've been giving it a great deal of thought, and I think, nay, I know that I was meant for greater things.
I was meant to be... a freakin' ROCK STAR!!!!
Think about it: I am not only a music snob, and have a passable alto singing voice, and can just about carry a tune**, but I have the requisite quirky dress sense, the capacity to drink large amounts of beer without spewing (or losing the ability to dance on a bar with a bartender dressed as a swan), am bolshy, demanding and swear like a trouper. Not to mention that I can trash a hotel room in under fifteen minutes. Just ask the good folk at the Tokyo Keio Plaza.
So...yeah, okay, It might be a bit late in life to start thinking about this but I hear 30 is the new 20, so that means I'm turning 20 real soon! Also, I kind of don't have a band, which could prove problematic, although not necessarily so: really I'm all about the Interview Magazine articles, tabloid exposés and blag. Mmm. I'm not sure where I stand on groupies*** though. I'll have to see how that goes.
* what we talked about during the staff breakfast this morning.
** good thing musical ability isn't a requirement of the job, eh?
*** I mean, they;re generally assumed to be pretty skanky, right? and desperate. Or are male groupies different? What if they're all, like, teenagers? I'm not convinced about this part, really.
I was meant to be... a freakin' ROCK STAR!!!!
Think about it: I am not only a music snob, and have a passable alto singing voice, and can just about carry a tune**, but I have the requisite quirky dress sense, the capacity to drink large amounts of beer without spewing (or losing the ability to dance on a bar with a bartender dressed as a swan), am bolshy, demanding and swear like a trouper. Not to mention that I can trash a hotel room in under fifteen minutes. Just ask the good folk at the Tokyo Keio Plaza.
So...yeah, okay, It might be a bit late in life to start thinking about this but I hear 30 is the new 20, so that means I'm turning 20 real soon! Also, I kind of don't have a band, which could prove problematic, although not necessarily so: really I'm all about the Interview Magazine articles, tabloid exposés and blag. Mmm. I'm not sure where I stand on groupies*** though. I'll have to see how that goes.
* what we talked about during the staff breakfast this morning.
** good thing musical ability isn't a requirement of the job, eh?
*** I mean, they;re generally assumed to be pretty skanky, right? and desperate. Or are male groupies different? What if they're all, like, teenagers? I'm not convinced about this part, really.
Labels: Fabulousness, Music, Pop Culture
posted by Betenoir at 11:24 AM
5 Comments:
i heard 80 is the new 20. which means Eric Clapton's turning 20 soon. you, on the other hand, aren't even born yet, which means you can start all over again and totally rock OUT. emjoy that placenta whilst it lasts tho. good food is just SO hard to find these days.
It's so obvious, isn't it?
Oh, but wait - what if your groupies all turn out to be fifteen year olds? Or even worse - what if they all look like Richard Gere?
yeah, that's exactly what I'm worried about. Mind you, I can bar all Gere-alikes from my concert venues. Rock stars do stuff like that.
You can also ban clowns - I am terrified of them and "the Gere person" - ergh cold shivers and nausea abounds at the thought of either of them.
Yes. Teenage groupies. Oh, the endless possibilities of irreversable corruption. How this pleases me :)
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