If anyone asks, I was with you.
I hate my upstairs neighbours. I've given them so many chances to repent, and make up for their arseholery, but no, they have to keep pushing me, and pushing me, and pushing me, and now I have to stab them in the heads. So, I might need an alibi. I'm just letting you know, in advance.
It started off small, the odd Saturday morning at 9am with some rap music insinuating its way into my morning, and the smell of weed drifting in alongside it. But it wasn't too bad, or too offensive, and it was at least some Jay-z and Snoop Dogg. But then, as most major crime sprees* do, it escalated. Soon, there was an onslaught of cheesy R&B, boyband ballads, and commercial chart hits. At club volume. With way too much bass.
Lying in my bed began to resemble living in a left ventricle, all doef doef doef and no peace. I'd also like to add that aside from their musical assault, apparently the little frickers have a bad case of the dropsy: all day and night they drop things on the floor... small and large, pins, pans and possibly anal beads. They move furnishings, bang metal objects against their cage bars**, yell, scream, and have deep and meaningful conversations about how cool they are and their smoking styles. They have not yet discovered the concept of "indoor voice", it appears.
Teenagers. I know this because I've gone to complain a few times, and the PFY*** that answers the door every time, shielding my view with his body like I can't figure out there's a party goin' on around here if i can't see it looks about seventeen.
I could totally take him down if it weren't for those cage bars. But I guess I'll just have to hope and prey that they catch some sort of STD that withers their genitals. And a tapeworm.
* and serial killers too. Just thought I'd add that. It's relevant.
** burglar bars, whatever.
*** just google it, okay?
It started off small, the odd Saturday morning at 9am with some rap music insinuating its way into my morning, and the smell of weed drifting in alongside it. But it wasn't too bad, or too offensive, and it was at least some Jay-z and Snoop Dogg. But then, as most major crime sprees* do, it escalated. Soon, there was an onslaught of cheesy R&B, boyband ballads, and commercial chart hits. At club volume. With way too much bass.
Lying in my bed began to resemble living in a left ventricle, all doef doef doef and no peace. I'd also like to add that aside from their musical assault, apparently the little frickers have a bad case of the dropsy: all day and night they drop things on the floor... small and large, pins, pans and possibly anal beads. They move furnishings, bang metal objects against their cage bars**, yell, scream, and have deep and meaningful conversations about how cool they are and their smoking styles. They have not yet discovered the concept of "indoor voice", it appears.
Teenagers. I know this because I've gone to complain a few times, and the PFY*** that answers the door every time, shielding my view with his body like I can't figure out there's a party goin' on around here if i can't see it looks about seventeen.
I could totally take him down if it weren't for those cage bars. But I guess I'll just have to hope and prey that they catch some sort of STD that withers their genitals. And a tapeworm.
* and serial killers too. Just thought I'd add that. It's relevant.
** burglar bars, whatever.
*** just google it, okay?
Labels: neighbours, Pet Peeves, tired
posted by Betenoir at 10:03 AM
8 Comments:
Sounds like they've changed their brand.. or entered 'the gateway'.
All of this could be sorted out with one polite phonecall to the cops.. they'll be royally screwed when konstabel viljoen arrives! (especially when they're expecting you)
PFY.. i like that.
You realise that the odds of your PFYs getting any action that may result in STDs are slim to none? Tapeworms can be arranged, though. Leeches too, but there's quite a long lead-time on those.
I have a spare cockroach if you're interested...
hmm. so I have Tapeworms, Leeches and Cockroaches. Me likey.
Ja, what the hell is it with dropping stuff on the floor? When I lived in a flat the pricks upstairs would come home at 3am and empty what sounded like cans of marbles onto the floor. WTF!?!?!
such a huge pleasure chickette, i'm just sorry they couldn't be delivered in person but i picked a pretty hot courier ne?
Revenge is a baby ... plan a daycare evening at your house for some little tikes! Play the Wiggles on your TV ... really loud. P-O-T-A-T-O, la la!
All the best,
The Tart
; *
First time I'm reading... thanks to kyknoord ;)
Where about do you stay? Such behaviour shouldn't be tolerated in urban areas. May I suggest moving into an Estate of some sort? The rules WORK for you there ;)
Anyway, great blog. Keep it up.
Wow, the word verification thing is long... nmhjowrv!
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