musings upon the Complications of Time Travel
click on the nice image I created, to make it large.So, here's a tidbit for you.
For as long as I can remember; way back to the days of long braided pigtails , dark brown T-bar schoolshoes* and He-Man episodes on constant rotation; I have been fairly obsessed by the very notion of time travel. I find movies on the subject very unsatisfying, because they tend to languish in the same tacky fish-out-of water scenarios or the whole "if I unknowingly impregnate my mother and actually am my own grandfather is it still incest?" issue. And it's a pertinent issue as researchers have actually managed to move minuscule invisible particles an almost immeasurably-small fraction of time back into the past or into the future using a multimilion-dollar, gigantic big fuck-off particle accelerator, which means that realistic everyday time travel is just round the corner, really.
Sometimes, late at night, I lie in bed and picture what it would be like for someone from the past to be dropped in our timespacecontinuumthingy. Think about it. let's be conservative and imagine a difference of a hundred years. No, fifty. think about all the technological advances, cultural changes and fashions that have occurred. iPods. Computers. Cellphones. G-strings. lingerie adverts on billboards. Scandinavian Death Metal. Portable Chihuahuas. Sushi. Your average hipster from 1957 would probably be nonplussed to say the least. Go back to our hundred-year-ago dude, and think about cars and tarred roads and, you know, daily bathing, and we have a man or woman facing total mental meltdown, sitting looking at a cappuccino, muttering "buh. buhbuh. buh-buuuh."
Which could be entertaining, in a way, but I suppose not enough for a feature-length cinematic experience.
And what of travelling to the past? Well, aside from the dangers inherent in it (viral strains, unwashed beardy men who want botty sex, Mongol hordes, swordsmen or people with arrows, dinosaurs), I personally believe it would suck a very great deal. I mean... what kind of cuisine could one expect to find? No playstation, no wii, no 24, Lost,or Heroes, no magazines or modern literature**, a probable lack of toothpaste of deodorant, and a total lack of comfortable shoes***. The past is a place best left right where it is.
Would be cool if we could send Paris Hilton there though. And watch what happens. The Simple Life: Cholera Epidemic sounds pretty cool, don't you think****?
*the black maryjanes were much cooler, but came later.
**although also no chick lit or FHM, so that's cool.
*** I have it on good authority.
**** surely to be followed by Survivor: Dark Ages
For as long as I can remember; way back to the days of long braided pigtails , dark brown T-bar schoolshoes* and He-Man episodes on constant rotation; I have been fairly obsessed by the very notion of time travel. I find movies on the subject very unsatisfying, because they tend to languish in the same tacky fish-out-of water scenarios or the whole "if I unknowingly impregnate my mother and actually am my own grandfather is it still incest?" issue. And it's a pertinent issue as researchers have actually managed to move minuscule invisible particles an almost immeasurably-small fraction of time back into the past or into the future using a multimilion-dollar, gigantic big fuck-off particle accelerator, which means that realistic everyday time travel is just round the corner, really.
Sometimes, late at night, I lie in bed and picture what it would be like for someone from the past to be dropped in our timespacecontinuumthingy. Think about it. let's be conservative and imagine a difference of a hundred years. No, fifty. think about all the technological advances, cultural changes and fashions that have occurred. iPods. Computers. Cellphones. G-strings. lingerie adverts on billboards. Scandinavian Death Metal. Portable Chihuahuas. Sushi. Your average hipster from 1957 would probably be nonplussed to say the least. Go back to our hundred-year-ago dude, and think about cars and tarred roads and, you know, daily bathing, and we have a man or woman facing total mental meltdown, sitting looking at a cappuccino, muttering "buh. buhbuh. buh-buuuh."
Which could be entertaining, in a way, but I suppose not enough for a feature-length cinematic experience.
And what of travelling to the past? Well, aside from the dangers inherent in it (viral strains, unwashed beardy men who want botty sex, Mongol hordes, swordsmen or people with arrows, dinosaurs), I personally believe it would suck a very great deal. I mean... what kind of cuisine could one expect to find? No playstation, no wii, no 24, Lost,or Heroes, no magazines or modern literature**, a probable lack of toothpaste of deodorant, and a total lack of comfortable shoes***. The past is a place best left right where it is.
Would be cool if we could send Paris Hilton there though. And watch what happens. The Simple Life: Cholera Epidemic sounds pretty cool, don't you think****?
*the black maryjanes were much cooler, but came later.
**although also no chick lit or FHM, so that's cool.
*** I have it on good authority.
**** surely to be followed by Survivor: Dark Ages
posted by Betenoir at 10:22 AM
9 Comments:
Ok so I'm old enough to remember the 50's..ok not really but I do remember the 60's and I like to amuse myself thinking about explaining the internet and email to my late grandmother, also g-strings (she thought that bikini panties caused chest colds).
.... so one can extrapolate that her undies kept her chest nice and warm?
You are so insanely funny. Where do these things come to you?
i mean, were you like in the shower looking at a piece of soap?
Or were you at the bus stop, thinking about the R2 coin when it suddenly hit you - must. write. arb. post. on. time travel.
You're brilliant. I love this!
shebee: I was on the taxi, passing the traffic department. but it could have been anywhere... MWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh I get it - the taxi was going that fast - travelling by taxi usually makes me think about death, mine!
Survivor: Dark Ages. Now that might be worth watching, especially if it includes "...viral strains, unwashed beardy men who want botty sex, Mongol hordes, swordsmen or people with arrows, dinosaurs..."
But that's Survivor: South Africa...isn't it?
I mean, when one ponders a post on the musings of what we're in for in this country alone for the next 50 years... it's not too hard to find similarities in your Survivor season proposal and...
Nevermind.
I'm sure the Xmas spirit will find me sooner or later.
The pressures of time travel surely explain why Michael J Fox is so short. And his own father.
Hahaha!!! I always wanted to go to the Victorian era just to wear their dresses, but then I thought about and they can keep their rib-crushing corsets! Great post!
PS> I second the Paris Hilton idea...now THAT would be great TV! ;-)
Post a Comment
<< Home