Dear Fake Cancer Child....
This morning, as per usual, I found in my facebook inbox the following chain email:
"Hi, my name is Amy Bruce.
I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumour in my brain, from repeated beatings Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart*, please send this. Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. PLEASE HIT FORWARD BUTTON NOT REPLY BUTTON.
YOUR'S FAITHFULLY,
AMY BRUCE
amy.bruce@makeawish.com"
I am 7 years old, and I have severe lung cancer . I also have a large tumour in my brain, from repeated beatings Doctors say I will die soon if this isn't fixed, and my family can't pay the bills. The Make A Wish Foundation has agreed to donate 7 cents for every time this message is sent on. For those of you who send this along, I thank you so much, but for those who don't send it, what goes around comes around. Have a Heart*, please send this. Please, if you are a kind person, send this on. PLEASE HIT FORWARD BUTTON NOT REPLY BUTTON.
YOUR'S FAITHFULLY,
AMY BRUCE
amy.bruce@makeawish.com"
Dear Amy. First off, I don't like your tone. Alternately whingeing and threatening, with an added edge of attempted guilt-induction. You're starting off on the wrong foot with me here, young lady, or, should I say, viral hoaxster. Because frankly, m'dear, I believe for not one instant of a moment that you are actually some poor scamp with not one, but TWO deadly cancers, and also BEATINGS. You're sorta cornering the market in pathos. I mean, only the most churlish of people** could be mean in this sort of situation, right?
The thing is... this whole email forwarding thing... how does it work, exactly? The whole 7 cents thing I mean. How do they keep track of that? Is there some sort of email tracking device or embedded cookie or some shit? Is that even legal? And what if someone gets the same email three times. Do they count as one donation, or three? And what currency is that in, because you don't mention where you're from. Are you British, Amy? American? South African? You know, real people come from places.
Amy, if you're really real, and I doubt you are, because I'm not seeing the Make A Wish Foundation getting involved with a clumsy scheme like this; but Amy, if you're the real deal, I'm sorry you're sick, and get beaten, and have no money. But really, do you think this is the best way to go about it, using the same old tired template that a million fake email hoaxers have used before? You need to rethink your plan of action.
But, you type really well and are quite erudite for a seven-year-old***. So there's that, at least. Good luck Amy Bruce. But stay away from my inbox.
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/amy-bruce-charity-hoax.html
* But I don't, Amy, I'm famously heartless.
** that would be me, then.
*** with a tumour, from the beatings.
The thing is... this whole email forwarding thing... how does it work, exactly? The whole 7 cents thing I mean. How do they keep track of that? Is there some sort of email tracking device or embedded cookie or some shit? Is that even legal? And what if someone gets the same email three times. Do they count as one donation, or three? And what currency is that in, because you don't mention where you're from. Are you British, Amy? American? South African? You know, real people come from places.
Amy, if you're really real, and I doubt you are, because I'm not seeing the Make A Wish Foundation getting involved with a clumsy scheme like this; but Amy, if you're the real deal, I'm sorry you're sick, and get beaten, and have no money. But really, do you think this is the best way to go about it, using the same old tired template that a million fake email hoaxers have used before? You need to rethink your plan of action.
But, you type really well and are quite erudite for a seven-year-old***. So there's that, at least. Good luck Amy Bruce. But stay away from my inbox.
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/amy-bruce-charity-hoax.html
* But I don't, Amy, I'm famously heartless.
** that would be me, then.
*** with a tumour, from the beatings.
Labels: "life mystery #10- Why do people still fall for this shit?"
posted by Betenoir at 8:56 AM
7 Comments:
Now if there was an option for MORE beatings to take place, I might be inclined to hit the "forward" button.
Regarding #10: Idiocy is inextricably embedded in the human genome.
I hate these emails! They suck! Big time!
What she doesn't tell you is that the make a wish foundation is in fact fullfilling MY wish, which is for facebook to become unusable due to email spam.
I like them a lot, and it was worth beating cancer into my head to earn my wish- I regret nothing.
Love your work Bete. You make me woozy in my funny place.
I'm larfing too hard to type! you told that smarmy little brat and all the other karma threatening chain emailers ....
'Real people come from a place' - haha...nice!
they are highly annoying, these emails...thing is...what if it's real even though you really don't think they're real cos of all the non-real factors attached to this 'real' email?
whatever...I'd like to know how they get our names and addies...it's like those annoying phonecalls you get at the 'wrong' times...you know...those survey ones...bunch of bollocks!
Want to know why we receive such spam all the time?
If you're not passing out your email address to every Tom, Dick & Harry, you can unfortunately count on the fact that some friend of yours has more than likely 'enlisted' you by filling in 3 other email addresses on an 'entry form' to win some crappy non-real gift that doesn't come from some place either.
I hate to say it. I hate to say it.
(head-shake. tears.)
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