Nature= Awesome.

I watched some National Geographic special this weekend about Great White sharks. They are totally the most excellent example of how fantastic and interesting nature stuff is. Nature shows are always either mind-numbingly torpid ("the swallow-tailed buckberry dances his slow dance, warbling, as the female chirrups in reply. He offers her a twig, and should she accept this twig, he will then be expected to provide all twigs, leaves and worms in exchange for mating. That is, until he moves on to a younger, more nubile female, who will want bigger, more flashy twigs and not be very good at chirruping, but will have a much fluffier tail."*), or an exhilarating thrill-ride of facts and hunting and blood. And teeth. And conjecture.

I also like dissections.

Did you know that sharks can vomit out their entire stomach? It's called... um... stomach inversion**, and they use it to clean out the collected detritus (whale fat, tyres, corrupted hard drives, the occasional Starbucks) that collects therein. And all this without ripping their stomach linings open on the rows of razor-shark teeth. How cool is that! I kind of wish I could do that. Not that I like vomiting all hat much.. but I like the idea of a clean stomach. Sometimes I dwell on the pounds of rotting flesh that's supposed to be collecting in my intestines***, undigested, unexpelled. It vexes me. Also, the black pepper, although I don't it eat that much.

Sharks are pretty cool, especially when they're out there in the sea and I'm not. And they're totally less harmful than bees. Now, bees I'm shit-scared of. I've been stung by bees, had bees in my mouth, and been attacked by a brown beetle that I thought was a bee. I've never even been called a bad name by a shark! they totally get a bad rap.

Also cool are ligers- you know, where they cross-breed a lion and a tiger and get this big fuck-off cat that's twice the size of either, hugely strong but pretty much useless out in the wild and apparently not very bright****. Ligers are pretty sweet. They're bred for their skills in magic, you know*****.

*ahem.
**I think. I wasn't exactly taking notes. Learning is only fun if you don't actually have to pay attention, or write a test.
*** I realise not technically my stomach but it's my segueway on my blog.
**** totally just made that up. But it looks like a big lunk. And what, we're administering IQ tests to animals now? Trust me, it's a ligimbo¹
*****Napolon Dynamite reference. Watch the damn movie, people!

¹liger+bimbo=ligimbo