Neko

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Britney, please save yourself.


Saradia and I gmail chatted this morning. The thing I love about sararara is that she shares my insatiable and not-all-that-secret love for all things celebrity. dissecting celebrity news for me is like...brain masturbation. wait, suddenly I've somehow linked Sara to masturbation, and that's hella weird. new paragraph.

anyway, I love me some gossip. and I really get involved in it. The whole Britney Spears thing is just sad though... It's akin to one of those accidents that you see by the side of the road, and ghoulishly find yourself straining for a glimpse of severed head or detached foot*. anyway, we decided on a plan of action, so that Britters can regain her pop princess crown**

  1. STAY IN REHAB!!!! (this one is kind of important)
  2. stop with the wigs. embrace the baldness, until it grows out a bit. then adopt a pixie cut, in lightest ash blonde.
  3. go on a health retreat...disappear from public view for six months or so, and emerge slim, toned, and glowing.
  4. adopt an icy, glittery Grace Kelly/ southern belle image. elocution and deportment lessons should have been a part of the health retreat. perhaps I should have mentioned this earlier? anyway, shock the world by radiating calm, charm and grace.
  5. move to France. (no cheese though! let's maintain the slim tonedness, shall we?)
  6. work with Goldfrapp-types and craft an album (You May Call Me Mistress Spears) of perfect slivers of icy, glittery fabulous pop. Duet with Kylie. remix by Scissor Sisters.
  7. REMAIN SINGLE! this is probably safest, until Trousersnake realises his destiny, and comes running back to the new, fantasticacious Brit.
...et voila! the balance of things will be restored. And also, I will not have to look at any more flabby shaved coochie, or nasty white-trash outfits, or nasty weaves. and that, my friends, is that.

* or perhaps that is just me.

** there are some Britney songs on my Ipod. you have a problem with that? I'll play you some probot and then you can SUCKIT! STOP JUDGING ME!!!!

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7 Comments:

Blogger Dan Lurie said...

Amen to that.

1:53 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Hey how are you? Its been a while, was wondering how you are, found you on skype. Send me an email sometime, be great to hear from you. Email address is, angelaclarewalker@gmail.com

Did not know how to contact you other than to leave a comment.

Angela

10:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

An excellent plan of attack. Winning the Battle of Britney will surely pre-empt the Battle of the Bulge.

9:30 AM  
Blogger Betenoir said...

fo' sho.

also, I'm tired of starlets who are not glamourous. Paris. L-lo. Britney. I don't want shaved coochies and running mascara, I want glamour and sparkle and champagne dreams...

10:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just so. All I want is rhythm and music. Who could ask for anything more?

12:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aww, I was rather hoping she'd do some home body modification, get "Satan's Whore" tattooed on her neck, and join Cradle of Filth.

3:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And a cover of Amy Winehouse's "rehab" wouldn't go amiss.

4:52 PM  

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